Chapter 90

Jon watched as Steph ran up the stairs to Dot’s house. She’d given him her customary hug and kiss when he dropped her off and perhaps he’d held on a little too long. Thankfully his daughter must have been feeling generous because she didn’t even try to squirm away.

Dorothea slipped out onto the portico wearing a jacket with her cigarettes in hand. “We need to talk.”

He had a feeling he’d be bumming one of her cigarettes. He nodded and fell into step with her as she circled the house. They walked in companionable silence for the first time in weeks. Dorothea had asked for a bit of property with the house she requested, but not as extensive as the Navasink house.

“Is Christine inside?” he asked conversationally.

“Would I leave our kids alone if she wasn’t?” she asked coolly and with just enough emphasis on the word, our, to make Jon inwardly sigh.

“Well, Steph watches them sometimes. I just wanted to make sure we had time to talk,” he said patiently. He would keep this conversation civil if it killed him.

She took a deep breath, “I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay.” The walked in silence until they reached the back of the property along the small fairy garden that Steph had helped put together. There was a small bench that seated two easily and a pretty view of a small pond that was currently alive with Koi enjoying the unseasonably warm temperatures. He settled on one end of the cool wrought iron and wood, forcing himself to leave his hands open and relaxed on his pant legs as he waited for the talk he’d been dreading.

She sat on the opposite end and lit a cigarette then offered the pack. Deciding that it was definitely a nicotine type conversation he took one and leaned into her lighter. The familiar scent of her musky perfume mixed with cigarettes wafted over him before he sat back. “Thanks,” he murmured and took a deep drag letting his lungs and brain fill with the heady flash of nicotine.

“I don’t like this, Jon.”

Holding in the smoke for another second he let it out slowly. “We’ve never been the type to fight over stupid shit, Dot.”

“I don’t think it’s stupid,” she said defensively.

“Not my relationship, but the issue of trust. That’s stupid. You’ve always been able to trust me, no matter what has happened over the years.”

“You never lied to me before. Even if it was something I didn’t want to know about you still never lied to me.”

“And I didn’t lie to you about Tessa. As soon as Steph found out about her I told you the next day. As for the rest, I did bring the kids into the shop for Storytime, but that wasn’t their first visit to the shop.” He held up his hand when he heard her start to interrupt him. “No, just listen first. I took Romeo and Jake in before I even met Tessa. They saw a display for this big pirate window she had done when we were in the park. She’s pretty clever about the whole marketing thing,” he said absently.

Her eyes darted to his and he saw a flicker of pain before she slipped back underneath the mask he was so used to. “You still brought them there for Christmas without discussing it with me,” she reminded him rigidly.

“Yes, I did, but it wasn’t just for me. And it certainly wasn’t to introduce my kids to my girlfriend.” He felt her stiffen at the word, but forced himself to go on. “If you could see Tessa in action when she performed for the kids you would know why I wanted them to share in it. She’s got this amazing way of drawing the audience in. Even Romeo sat still for her reading.”

“I get it, she’s amazing,” she said dryly.

He sighed. “I also didn’t let on that we were anything other than acquaintances. We even sat separate from most of the general public.”

“And the interview?”

“I’ll own up to that one. I pissed off a reporter and she finally found a way to get back at me in her own little way.”

“Another girlfriend?” she said with a sadness he wasn’t used to.

“No, Dorothea. Even as a divorced guy I’m not the type to juggle like that. I’m just not built that way. When you asked me to leave, I’ll admit I was angry and made a few bad moves. Unfortunately Charlotte Burke was one of them. We dated a few times, but she was pretty obvious about what she wanted from me within a few dates and I wasn’t interested in a society showpiece. Needless to say, she wasn’t happy about how things ended.”

“You can be an asshole, Jon.”

“Yeah, well it’s better to be an ass than end up with a barracuda that was looking for a quick rise up the social ladder. When I didn’t want to help her get to the important parties and meet the important people she decided I was fair game for the gossip spin on a slow night.”

“There was a kernel of truth to it though, wasn’t there?”

Uncomfortable he lifted his booted foot onto his knee and snubbed out his butt on the sole. How much did you discuss with your ex when it came to being in love with a new woman? Especially when it was a woman like Tessa, who made him feel so much more than he realized he was capable of outside of the love of a father and his children. “I don’t know what to say.”

“Just tell me the truth, I can take it.”

“I’ve told you the truth. I love her. I knew it almost right away.”

She pulled her coat in tighter across her chest and hugged herself. “How can you say that? You’ve only known her for a few weeks.”

He moved his hand over to her knee and squeezed. “I knew the first time I saw you, didn’t I? Sometimes you just know.”

“And you don’t think you should try a different game plan? It didn’t work for us,” she said stubbornly.

“Ahhh, Dot, but it did work. It worked for a very long time.”

“Yeah, but we didn’t make it to forever. That’s what you promised that day.” There was a sadness in her voice now. Her brown eyes were weary when she finally looked at him.

They’d never really dealt with why she’d asked for a divorce before. It had been done quietly with little fuss on either side. Part of it had been relief, and part of it had left him raw for a long time. He’d wondered how things had fallen apart even why they had, but he wasn’t sure if he even wanted to know all of it. Failure was something he didn’t deal with very well. “I try to keep my promises, but in this case I don’t think either of us did,” he said quietly.

“It just got so hard. I couldn’t do it anymore, Jon. I’m sorry, but I just couldn’t. I couldn’t make myself be interested in all the things that you got involved in. My life was here with the kids and the Dojo. It was just easier to let you do your own thing, and enjoy our time when you did come home.” She paused and stubbed her finished cigarette out on the stone walkway. She hunched her shoulders in and tried to turn away from him. “More and more I just felt like you were never really ‘here’ even when you did manage to come home.”

The drop of a tear on his hand felt like a splash of fire. His gut churned and burned as he gathered her into his arms. It was a rare thing for Dorothea to cry, and when it happened, it ripped him to shreds. She resisted a bit, but finally let herself lean on him. He couldn’t deny anything that she’d said. It was true that over the years he’d started looking for new projects to fill the empty parts of him. The fact that she hadn’t seemed interested in anything he did had started to get to him.

Going home was for seeing his kids and trying to bridge the ever widening chasm that had become their relationship. Had it been that he simply hadn’t tried anymore as well? It had been easier to leave things as status quo and to ignore the elephant in the room. He wished he felt the passion he once did, now all he felt was the loss.

The woman that had been his best friend and his lover since he’d been a teen wasn’t that woman anymore. And while some of it had been her fault, he’d known going into the relationship that she wasn’t cut out for his crazy life. He’d made the vow to himself that he would make it work and in the end most of it had truly been his fault. He’d stopped making it work.

They’d always have a bond with their kids and he’d always love her, but he wasn’t in love with her anymore. He was moving on, but she wasn’t quite ready. He wished he didn’t have to hurt her yet again, but if it meant losing Tessa by waiting, then he’d have to add one more hurt to his list.

She eased away from him and wiped away the few stray tears she’d allowed to fall. “So what happens now?”

He cupped her face in his hands and pressed a kiss to her lips. There was no heat in the press of lips, more like a final goodbye when it came right down to it. “I’m sorry I hurt you so much, and if I could rewind the years-“

She stopped him and pressed her hand over his. “No regrets. We had a lot of fun and we made four great kids. I wouldn’t change a thing, even when it still meant losing you.” She pulled away. “We’ll take things a day at a time, but for now I’d appreciate it if you didn’t include Tessa in your activities with the kids yet. I need some time to get used to this and figure out how we should tell them.”

“I can’t hide her any longer, Dot. If she’s willing to be tossed to the wolves, I’ll be taking her to a few New Year’s parties.”

She swallowed hard, but nodded. “I understand.”

He noticed that she didn’t say she was happy for him, but he was willing to take what he could get for now. He stood up and tugged her arm until she hooked it in his. They walked up the hill to the front door. “Now, tell me I have free access to my kids so I can breathe again.”

She gave that half smile that used to drive him wild and nodded. “As long as the original agreement stands,” she said without anger.

“And if the kids have any questions?”

“We’ll revisit the subject in a few weeks.”

“It’s all I can ask.”

She gave a non-committal, “Mmmm-hmm,” and opened the door. “Do you want to come inside and see our kids?”

“I’d like that,” he said with a smile and followed her inside. “And what’s this thing about a guy and Stephanie?”

She threw a smile over her shoulder. “I was wondering if she’d try her new found wiles on you.”

“You knew about this and didn’t tell me?” He asked and shrugged off his jacket.

“Some things just need to be experienced,” she said without remorse.

“Yeah, well, I can do without that kind of experience,” he mumbled. He moved into the living room and waved to Christine who was on the floor with Romeo, Jake and a few thousand pounds of legos, transformers and various other toys.

“Daddy!” Romeo crashed through a variable fortress of legos much to his brother’s dismay and wound himself around his knee.

With practiced ease he hooked his little monkey on his hip. “But we’re still not doing the dating thing right?”

“Jury’s still out,” she said with a non-committal air.

“I vote for the death penalty.”

She snorted, “I bet your daughter would have an argument.”

“Appeal all she likes, I meet him first then we’ll see.”

Dot just shook her head and followed Chris into the kitchen. Jon dropped to the floor Indian style. “Legos I understand,” he said and started to help Jake rebuild his stronghold.