Chapter 127

Jon smiled against the light scent of pears tickling his nose.

Her smooth calf slid against his as she tipped her head up. The silky tousle of bangs brushed his scruffy chin while her always warm fingers teased along the muscles of his chest. “You need more sleep, darlin’.”

“I just need you,” he said and tucked her in closer to him.

She caressed his cheek with her knuckles. “Well, what if you didn’t have me?”

He frowned. “Why wouldn’t I have you?”

She gave him that secret smile that always left him a little off balance. “You never know what’s going to happen in this life.”

“Don’t talk that way,” he held her closer.

“You’d be just fine without me,” she whispered, settling her cheek against his chest. “You’re so strong; I wouldn’t have to worry about you.”

“Don’t…” he cleared his throat. “I—“ He rolled over, the smooth white cotton sheets were empty. “Tessa!” Pears lingered until he reached for her side of the bed and even the crisp, light scent of her dissipated. “Tessa!”

“Jon, wake up.”

He jerked awake, turning to the sound of a voice. “Tessa!”

“No, Jon, it’s me.” Nichole gripped his shoulder. “Are you okay?”

Jon blinked up at swollen brown eyes. Dark hair slid forward from a messy ponytail and worry flickered there as her eyes kept drifting to the bed next to him. He followed her gaze and shut his eyes against the reality. The machines that beeped and clicked, taking readings that helped the doctor’s monitor the complications that couldn’t be discussed. Her lean, athletic body already seemed smaller beneath the stark white sheets. Her hair, dull under the unforgiving florescent lights, lay limp against her pillow. The grey pallor to her skin scared him deep down to his very marrow.

Was he okay? No, he fucking wasn’t.

“Hey,” he tried to smile, tried to be the strong one. Pushing his hair back with unsteady hands, he stood, gathering Nic into a comforting hug. She sagged against him for a second before the quick rush of tears came. He slid his fingers into her ponytail, pressing her harder into his shoulder as the storm hit. Seeing Tessa like this was a shock.

Tessa, the strong one. Tessa, the force to be reckoned with. Tessa, the tireless. That was what you expected. Not this Tessa. Not a Tessa that wasn’t up and moving at lightning speed or laughing with a shared joke. Not this Tessa.

Sensing the end of the first wave, he pulled back. “She’s doing better, it just looks bad.”

Nic swiped her eyes with the back of her hands. “You’re a shitty liar.”

He kissed her forehead. “I’m not lying, just infusing some positive vibes into this awful room.” When she just laid her cheek back against his chest, Jon sighed. “Where’s Adam?”

“Starting the paperwork on the healthcare proxy.” She pulled away and sat next to Tessa, her fingers gripping the one hand that wasn’t linked up to wires and tubes. “Oh girl, what happened?” she whispered.

The curtain that shielded Tessa from the other ICU patients shifted as the tired eyes of Dr. Esser peeked in. “Can I talk to you guys for a second?”

Jon looked down at Tessa, not wanting to leave her, but the need for news warred with the need to watch over her.

“I can go, Jon,” Nic said.

“Miss Donovan needs her rest, your ten minutes for this hour are up anyway,” Dr. Esser said matter of factly and let the curtain fall back.

Jon closed his eyes for a moment. The nursing staff had let him come to see Tessa every hour for the last four, but each time had been harder to leave than the last. “No, I need to know.”

Nic nodded. “Tessa’s privacy is important to me, Jon—“

Panic clawed up his throat. “You can’t shut me out,” Jon interrupted fiercely.

“But I don’t think she would keep anything from you. So, please come with me,” she finished. Transferring her grip from Tessa’s to his, she stood.

Relief scraped his emotions to their breaking point, leaving him raw. He let her walk ahead, letting his hand rest at the small of her back for support. Casting one last look back he headed out to the hallway.

Dr. Esser beckoned them into a small room and closed the door. Adam sat in a chair there already, standing when they entered. “C’mere, baby.”

Jon stood alone as Nic and Adam hugged. Wrapping his hand around his thumb, he popped his knuckles until the doctor took the last of the forms from Adam. Resisting the urge to demand answers, he bit down on the inside of his cheek as she read through them. “Please,” Jon finally said.

Dr. Esser sighed. “Normally we won’t release much info even with a proxy, but Miss Donovan’s status is still critical. In case complications come up, you may need to make some decisions that will require you to have all the facts.”

Jon swallowed hard. “What happened?”

“Miss—“ the doctor looked at Jon, and her tired face lost the doctor edge. “How long have you been seeing Tessa?”

Jon’s chin lifted. “Almost five months.”

“Okay,” she nodded, turning toward him. “I’m sorry to have to tell you this, I’m fairly certain that even Tessa didn’t know…” she began.

“Know what?” Jon strained to keep from shaking the woman. “Please, just tell me. I can take anything. I just want her better.”

“Tessa was about ten weeks pregnant.”

Pregnant? His Tessa? A baby? He rubbed his chest. Wait…”Was?” Jon said hoarsely.

“I’m sorry, but it was an ectopic pregnancy,” she paused looking between Jon, Nic and Adam. “It’s when the embryo attaches itself to anything other than the uterus; in this case it was the fallopian tube along her right side.” Dr. Esser cut her hand across her right mid section. “It’s unusual for the pregnancy to get to this advanced stage without warning, but it can happen.”

Jon jammed his hands into his jeans and rocked back, staring at the floor. “What would the symptoms be?”

“Mr. Bon Jovi, please don’t beat yourself up about—“

“What are the symptoms?” Jon said again, his voice breaking as he met the doctor’s face.

She sighed. “Sometimes it can be pain in the abdomen, sometimes it can disguise itself as indigestion, sometimes there’s almost no symptom.”

Nodding, he stared back at his sneakers. “Right,” he whispered. Bad Mexican food my ass. Clearing his throat again, he blinked away the hot tears, letting his head fall back to get it together. “What happened?”

“Usually when an ectopic pregnancy is caught, we can do a surgical procedure to limit the damage done to the mother, but unfortunately in nearly every case the baby would be lost. But in Tessa’s case, it ruptured causing a lot of blood loss and damage because she was alone.”

Jon’s heart twisted. Alone. She’d been alone because he’d been too busy working. Too busy.

“In the end, we had to take the tube and one of her ovaries because of the…”

Jon didn’t hear anything but a muffled medical speak. All he could see was Tessa lying alone. Tessa dying by degrees with his baby destroying her. Tessa alone.

Nic gripped his hand, but he couldn’t squeeze back. He could barely feel her through the numbness. His ears finally tuned back in.

“The problem we’re having now is that she went into hypovolemic shock. Due to the severe blood loss, her system started shutting down because her heart couldn’t get enough blood to all her organs. On top of all the other things we had to deal with, Tessa has a rare blood type which posed a challenge for transfusing. She’ll be monitored closely by me and a few other specialists, but in it’s her kidneys that we’re really worried about. We’ll be watching for any sustainable damage.”

“So, what does that mean?” Nic asked in a wobbly voice.

“It’s too soon to tell, we’re watching for every variation in her levels, so she’ll be staying down in ICU for the foreseeable future. As soon as we’re confident that her kidneys are fine, we’ll move her up to a room.”

“Private room,” Jon said roughly. “I want her as comfortable as possible.”

“Of course,” Dr. Esser said gently. “I’ll talk to Tessa about her options, when she comes around, but for now just know that we’re doing everything we can to make sure she pulls through this.” She gathered her paperwork. “I’ll be in to check on her periodically, but the best thing for her is rest.”

“Can I sit with her?”

The doctor opened her mouth, but his face must have been enough to override the company line. “If you promise to let her rest, we’ll let you sit with her, but you’d do more good if you went home to rest and—“

“I can’t leave her,” he said stubbornly.

She sighed, hugging the file to her chest. “All right. I’ll be in to check on Tessa in another few hours.”

“Thank you, Dr. Esser,” Nic said and shook her hand.

Any semblance of politeness was lost on Jon. He barely heard Nic and Adam asking their questions. All he knew is that he needed to get back to her, back to her side. She couldn’t—wouldn’t be alone again.

He choked down the need to scream and shout through the anger and the unfairness that tore through him. Instead he sat beside her bed, curled one hand beneath hers, angling until he could lace their fingers together. He pressed his forehead to the only place he could touch her and not hurt her.

He let the tears burn for her. Burn for the baby that could have been and the healing that only she could begin.

“Don’t you leave me, Tessa.”