Chapter 135

Tessa winced as the IV pulled. Ugh. She could actually feel the needle moving around in her hand. She swallowed. God, she needed to get out of this place. She wanted her house and her bed. Her smells. Anything but the sterile nothing of her room.

“Tessa, I know you’re awake.”

She kept her eyes closed, hoping Nic would get the hint. She wasn’t awake. Waking up required effort and thought. If she stayed in this little half sleep, the room and the sounds were there, but she wasn’t...not really.

“You’re going to have to face this eventually. Since when were you such a coward?”

Since I lost a baby I didn’t know existed. Since the hole inside of me started growing. Since Jon…

“Honey, I know you’re hurting. I promise I’m here for you when you need to talk. If you need anything.”

She could hear the sincerity in her best friend’s voice. The pain and the worry there too. It was all so strangely separate from her. She knew what she was supposed to say. Even knew that she needed to talk, but she just couldn’t.

She heard Nic settle back into her chair again, the deep sigh of concern. Hell, she could see her crossing her arms and staring at the ceiling. It was what she did when she was trying to solve a problem.

She drifted again. The pain started. She knew that the nurse would be in within the next few minutes. They never let her stay in pain for very long. She’d learned that over the interminable hours. When the pain came, there was usually a bustling nurse…Ah, there she was.

The faint whistling as she worked. The tuneless tune that was always the same. She’d never opened her eyes to see the nurse, but knew she was a woman. The efficiency and the gentleness were a factor of course, but it was her scent that told the tale. White Diamonds. Her Mom’s perfume. One of her lasting memories was that smell. Her Mom had been a believer in the layering technique.

Probably why her scent never truly wore off. Bath scent, lotion scent and perfume…her daily ritual. The same ritual, she’d instilled in her daughters. “Always make sure you have a signature, ladies. It’s the one thing that will always be yours.” She and Callie had taken that much from their mom. Too bad it was the only thing she truly remembered.

She smelled of pears, Callie of roses. Callie’s scent matched her demeanor. Staid and stuffy…always just a little bit aloof. Always just a little bit above the rest of them. She’d dreamed of a close knit family. She’d dreamed of family once, but it wasn’t for her. She’d made her peace with that. Until Jon. Until…

Until she’d had a life growing inside her. The mist of the meds pushed away the pain again, pushed away the thoughts. It was better there, better in the misty sleep.

~~

“Do you want me to come in with you, man?”

Jon sighed. Just one more nail in the coward’s coffin if he did that. “Nah, I’ll be okay. I’ll call you to pick me up in a little bit.” He swung out of the seat, turning back. “You don’t mind being my bitch today, do you?”

“Fuck off.”

“I didn’t think so.” He stood and shut the door, knocking on the window. When the electric whir of the window sounded he gave Richie a grateful smile. “Thanks, Rich. I mean it.”

“You’d do the same for me.”

“True, that.” Jon stood, waving as he turned to Dot’s house. Standing in the portico, he rang the bell. A rather harried blonde answered the door. “Hey Jenny. How are ya?”

She smiled, hiking Romeo onto her hip. “Oh you know another day in the Bongiovi house.” She turned to his son, tickling his tummy. “Now if this guy would only…Oh!” She scrambled to catch him as Romeo leaned into Jon.

“It’s all right, I got him.” Jon transferred him from flight to hip. “How you doin’ buddy?”

“Daddy, boo-boo.”

“Oh my God! What happened to your hand?” Jenny asked, noticing the cast at his side.

“Eh, no big deal. Daddy just broke a few knuckles.” He raised the cast and wiggled the only finger he could. “I can still play thumb wrestling.”

Romeo leaned in and kissed his cast. “Boo-boo all gone!”

Jon hauled him in close. That Johnson’s and Johnson’s smell replaced the antiseptic hospital scent that just wouldn’t go away. “Ah, thanks buddy. That’s just what I needed.” He hugged him even closer, staggering back when Jake careened into his thighs.

“Daddy! Daddy! Where you been!” He hugged him tight. “It’s been forever!”

His throat closed up a little. He didn’t realize how hard it would be to see them. These kids that meant the world to him…to a little life that he hadn’t even known about. How on earth could the pain be this much? “Hey, let’s go sit on the couch, okay?”

“Jake, back up, honey. Daddy can’t pick you up yet.” Jenny clasped his hand and closed the door.

“Daddy always picks me up at the same time as Romeo…what happened to your hand, Dad?” Jake’s blue eyes were wide. “That is so cool! Can I have one?”

Jon laughed. “Seriously my man, you do not want one. Something’s got to be broken to get one of these bad boys.” And it’s itchy as fuck. “Where’s your mom?”

“Upstairs,” Jake said still interested in the cast. “Does it hurt?” With his smaller hand, he touched Jon’s bruised fingers. “How’d your fingers get that color?”

By busting it into a solid oak door. “Dad had an accident. I’m okay though. Just a few weeks in a cast and I’ll be good as new.” And it’s going to hurt like a bitch to play guitar for ages. He sighed and sat back on the plush couch in the living room. Toys were scattered from one corner to the other. “Hey Jake, why don’t you go get mom?”

“That’s okay, I’ll get her,” Jenny said. “I’ll let you guys hang out, okay?”

“Yeah!” Jake shouted and grabbed his new truck. “I gots a new Transformer, Dad. Mom got me Optimus Prime! She said I shoulda waited for my birthday, but she said I could have it now! How cool is that?”

“It’s very cool!” He listened to Jake babble on about the truck and the story of the Transformers. Content to listen to kid speak, he let it wash over him like a balm. Romeo tried to keep up, he had his own trucks and a smaller Transformer.

He knew in his heart that the heavy duty Optimus Prime was a bribe because of the topsy turvey world he’d brought on them with the news casters. It didn’t much matter for the boys, but the mood in the house reflected a subtle shift. That, they would notice.

He lowered himself to the floor, letting Romeo use his thigh for a road, then lifted his knee to make a bridge. He laughed with them. It felt like ages since he’d just sat and played with them. Hell, it probably had been ages. He leaned his elbows on the couch and just watched, his heart healing maybe just a little bit.

“Jon?” He turned at Dorothea’s voice. “Can we talk in the kitchen a moment?”

Nodding, he stood up. “I’ll be back in a bit, guys.” He followed her to the kitchen letting the swinging door close behind him.

“Broke it huh?”

He looked down at the cast. “Yeah.”

“Good.”

Jon closed his eyes. “Dot—“

“No, just don’t. I don’t care about you and Tessa I care about my kids. Whatever you do is your—“

“Would you stop? It’s obvious you do care or you wouldn’t have come to my house and said the things you did. I’m sorry the thought of me and Tessa bothers you, but you don’t know the whole story.”

She looked up, her dark eyes even more tired and wounded than at his house. Her nose was suspiciously red and he knew she’d been crying. He looked down at the floor. Hell. “Tessa and I are an item, Dot. It’s not going to change.”

“I know,” she said softly.

“I don’t know if you do. I know I’m to blame for some of this. I should’ve called sooner, but I was dealing with some things.”

“What, a love child?”

He clenched his teeth at her tone. He should thank God that it wasn’t all over the papers. That Tessa could worry about the miscarriage in her own way. Of course the speculation would probably produce a horrifying amount of paparazzi trying to get the scoop. He rubbed his temple with his good hand. “Did you watch the news the other night?”

“If I watched the news every night then I’d just have to see your face.”

“Oh for the love of shit, Dot.” He met her eyes. “I’m rarely in the news for fuck’s sake. Don’t give me that.”

“You’ve been on the local news a helluva lot more than not lately.”

“There was an accident at Tessa’s bookstore. Did you happen to see that?” He looked down at his cast, picked at a flake of gauze.

She sighed. “That sucks, but no. I didn’t…” she trailed off. “She was hurt?”

“She almost died, Dot.” He looked up, clearing his throat. “That’s why I haven’t been in touch. I had to break in to get her. She was on the floor…all twisted and—“ he broke off. Closing his eyes against the memory. At the touch of her hand, he swallowed down hard. “She lost the baby. We—neither of us knew. It was a complication. Just one of those things.”

“Oh Jon,” her voice was a whisper. “I didn’t know.”

He met her sad eyes, surprised to find tears swimming there. “It wasn’t planned. It just sort of happened. I never would’ve kept that sort of thing a secret. It was just a few weeks into the pregnancy. Something called an ectopic? Maybe?” He shrugged. “Whatever it was, it was bad. I almost lost her.”

“You do love her, don’t you?” Her voice was sad. “Not just a fling,” she said softly.

“I’m sorry, Dottie.”

She nodded, rubbing his arm. “I knew you’d find someone.” She laughed a little. “I should’ve known you would work fast. That’s what you do.” He leaned in, kissing her temple, sighing as she stepped into a hug. “I’m sorry, Jon. I wouldn’t have said those th—“

“I know,” he interrupted. Hugging her back, he finally stepped away. “Think I could talk to Stephanie and Jesse?”

“Of course. Would it be okay if I was here? Just in case they don’t understand.”

“Yeah, that’d be good.”