Chapter 80

Tessa dug her fingers under her toes and into the couch. Why did he have to do this now? She was all set to enjoy the night with him. She wanted to lose herself to his touch and the place she went when their bodies fit together. That was where her brain could rest and she could just feel.

She’d worried for more hours than she could count coherently. She watched warily as he settled next to her on the couch, crowding her even there. Why did he have to keep pushing? She was dealing with things in her own way and if she wanted to swim in denial for Christmas then so be it.

“You’re going to crack your teeth if you keep gritting them like that.”

She forced herself to stop and instantly felt the headache surface. He was right, she was going to have dust for teeth if she wasn’t careful. Pressing her lips together she tried to ease the trembling that had started low in her gut. It was the only way she knew how to keep all her demons at bay.

He turned to her, his eyes so impossibly blue and she finally reached for him when she saw the worry there. Not hurt, not anger, just worry. His fingers clasped hers. “Please let me in, Tessa. Tell me what’s got you so upset.”

“I’ll be fine. I’m just trying to work out some stuff in my head. I promise I’m okay.”

He leaned in, “If you’re okay then why do you keep pulling away from me?”

Unable to deal with him that close and her emotions that close to the surface, she moved around him and stood. Not knowing what to do with herself, she fussed with an ornament that had slid down a branch of her tree. All that compassion and worry would break her. She didn’t want to heap on her concerns on top of all the ones he had to deal with.

Jon stood behind her and stilled her fingertips, pulling her back to rest against his chest. But he didn’t turn her around. She closed her eyes and let her head fall against his shoulder. He was so in tune with her. It amazed her on dozens of levels that he could know her so well in some ways.

He wrapped his arms around her waist, banding her closer to him. “Tell me,” he coaxed.

Sighing she scraped her nails over his forearms. It was such a simple thing, but it comforted her unlike anything else. “Did you know it’s been less than two weeks since we’ve met?”

He pressed a kiss to her temple. “I know, I was just thinking the same thing last night.”

“Do you know how much it scares me that I feel more for you in a few weeks than anyone in my life?” He moved to turn her and she held still against him. She couldn’t watch his face when she said it. She just couldn’t. “Each day that I wake up you’re first on my mind and when I finally go to sleep you are always the last thing I think of. Maybe even dream of.”

He rested his cheek against her hair. “I know. It’s the same for me.”

Turning this time she looked up at him. “Is it really?”

He frowned down at her, “Of course. I wouldn’t lie about that. I love you, Tessa.”

“Do you love me right now?”

He rubbed his hands down her arms, nodding. “Right now.”

“Will you love me tomorrow?”

“Yes, of course.”

“Next week?”

His brow furrowed. “I’m not an easy man, Tessa,” he cupped her face. “But when I love, it’s for good. I don’t understand what brought this on. I mean I know we need to figure out a way to tell my kids, but I thought you understood how much I love you.”

“I-“ How did you tell the man you loved that you were afraid you were just the one he loved right now? That forever was something he’d already tried and failed at with a woman that gave him so much more than she could. That doubts were unfounded, but creeping inside of her none-the-less.

“How do I convince you that I’m telling you the truth? And why can’t you have that faith in me? What have I done to make you think I’m going to change my mind?”

His eyes were so earnest. Was she being stupid about this? But then the mocking face of Charlotte Burke came into her mind and the other reporter that had said almost the exact same thing. “There’s been no one except Dorothea. What makes me any different than any of the other girlfriends you’ve had? Any of the abundant lovers you’ve taken.”

“Abundant?” He laughed. “I’d love to say I was worthy of the word abundant. I haven’t been a saint, but I’m not that guy. Tessa, I just don’t get it. I think you’re really going to have to spell it out. Talk to me like I’m six if you have to.”

“You’ll tire of me, just like all the rest before me. I thought I was a strong woman, Jon. I thought I could just go with the flow and enjoy our time, but every day I want you more. Every day I need you more.”

He tugged her in and sealed his lips over hers. She sagged against him, falling into the kiss, into the fire that burned inside of her whenever she touched him. Her hands slid up his arms until she could clutch around his neck and drag him closer.

He drew back, and the certainty that blazed in his eyes made her shiver. “Never doubt what I feel for you. I can’t see the future, but I know one thing for sure.” He stepped back and gripped her arms. “You are my future. I don’t know how it’s going to get there, I don’t know when it’s going happen but when I look at the years ahead of me it’s you I see there with me.”

Her eyes welled at his words, and the bands that formed around her chest felt a bit looser. “I don’t know what to say,” she said on a shaky breath.

“Say you believe in me. I need that more than anything else in this world. I’ll show you how much I love you each day of my life if I have to, Tessa. But I need you to believe in us first or it’s never going to work.”

She’d been alone for so long. Even with friends and surrogate families, she could never quite find her place in this life. She wanted it to be with him. Wanted it more than anything. She relaxed against him and pressed her cheek into the light fur of his chest.

“I believe in us,” she whispered. Already a steady warmth replaced the cold dread in her belly. She lifted her face up to his and felt the peace in his kiss. The certainty she wanted to share. Could begin to share.

“I need you,” he whispered against her mouth. “I’ll always need you.”

She clasped her hand in his and led him up to her room. She clicked on a small lamp next to her bed and went back to stand before him. Without words, she lifted her sweater over her head and bared herself to him in the diffused light. She lifted her palm to his cheek, felt the rasp of his stubble then turned her hand so her knuckles to could brush along his jaw, down to his neck.

The scratchy masculine flesh heightened the sensitivity of her fingertips and when she reached the silk of his shoulders and the crisp hair of his chest she opened her hands to take him all in. Her hands met in the center of his chest and stretched out to follow the line of muscle that made up his pecs and shoulders.

Her thumbs traced the curve of his lower chest as she traced the back of her knuckles over each ridge of flesh along his abs until she reached the loose waistband of his cargos.

She dipped her fingers into the cotton and unsnapped them, letting them fall to his feet. The silky hair turned rough at his groin as she circled her hand around his length. She heard the low groan as she tightened her grip until she could feel him throbbing in her hand as she learned the shape of him again.

Her thumb flicked under his head as his cock jumped in her hand. She looked up at him as she stroked him slowly. His eyes were dark now. The blue a deep and mysterious cobalt as he scraped his teeth over his bottom lip with each pass of her hand.

Jealous of his teeth, she leaned up, tracing the tip of her tongue over the fullness of his bottom lip. He groaned into her mouth and their tongues tangled. With each slow glide of her hand, he matched it with his tongue.

His fingers found her hair and smoothed, and soothed his touch starting at the base of her neck along to her shoulders. She cupped his balls, gentling her touch as she rolled the sensitive sac then went back to his shaft. He was like satin encased steel, the ridges of veins pulsing now as she kept her touch light.

He pushed himself into her hand, wanting a harder touch but she kept it soft and whispered his name just before she thrust her tongue deep into his mouth. His fingers gripped her scalp as he met each thrust.

His breath shuddered a bit as she brought him closer, milking him with her gentle touch. He crushed her close and she gasped as her sensitive skin came into direct contact with his hair roughened muscles.

She let him go as he twirled her onto the bed. He opened her wide and without preamble pushed himself inside of her. She was ready for him. Each touch had stirred her to a fevered edge. She arched up and took all of him again and again. Each stroke as languid as her own hand just moments before.

She drew her nails up his back and down to the smooth hardness of his flexing ass. Each stroke heated her from the inside out. He stretched her arms up over her head and laved a nipple, sucking it deep into his mouth. The gentle touches led to sharp gasps of pleasure as he took from her in one breath and offered her all in the next.

Feeling the needs starting to build until the slow pace just wasn’t enough. She wrapped her fingers around his hands as they held her down and wrapped her thighs around his hips until she couldn’t find the edge of him and the start of her. Slick with sweat and passion she fed off the friction they both made until his name was a bold prayer on her lips.

She felt him shudder above her, welcomed the strain of muscle and man above her as she blew apart. She held him close as he shook above her, his body heavy with release and exhaustion.

It was a long time before they were able to part. Shifting under the covers he clicked off the light and gathered her into his arms so he could spoon around her back.

“Merry Christmas, Tessa,” he murmured into her ear, pressing a soft kiss long her neck.

“Merry Christmas, Jon,” she said and slipped into sleep with a smile.