Chapter 165

She sat in his car with her hand on her lap. Okay, so she’d twisted off half the circulation in her fingers. When the door opened she looked up at him. “I changed my mind.”

He looked down at her, that patient—on the edge of patronizing, the jerk—look on his face. He simply held out his hand.

Feeling snotty, uncomfortable and nervous, she slapped it away. “I can get out myself.” He’d hounded her for two weeks now. Hounded her wasn’t even the right word for the utter force of Hurricane Jon in the face of getting what he wanted. Really, it was her that had wanted this, right?

Daily—hourly for God’s sake—he’d pushed her to meet the kids. Time to do the face to face thing…the firing squad—potato, patata. This was what she wanted. To get close to that side of his family, that side of Jon.

Didn’t stop her from wanting to barf up the coffee and half of a bagel she’d managed to choke down that morning. What if the kids hated her? What if she made the little guy, Romeo, cry? Steph would think she was the absolute worst girlfriend for her dad and she’d be responsible for causing the clichéd after school special reaction out of the teen. What happened if Dorothea was standing inside the door with a Superman slash of red laser eyes to kill her?

“Stop it.”

She barely controlled the urge to snarl at him. “I’m not doing anything.”

“That intelligent, yet prone to over reactions, brain of yours is spinning, babe.”

“I don’t over react,” she said snapped. She didn’t, dammit. Not normally anyway. Of course all bets were off when it came to anything regarding Jon and his family. “And stop trying to butter me up.”

He hooked his arm around her neck, letting his fingers dangle forward. “We haven’t tried butter yet.”

She elbowed him in the concrete stomach. “Ow.”

“Serves you right.”

She looked up at him. “They’re going to hate me and then they’ll rebel and Stephanie will start to wear Goth clothes to show how pissed off she is that Daddy is dating anyone but mommy.”

He stared down at her, his lips twitching. He swallowed hard then the laugh poured out anyway when she punched him in that same rock hard stomach. Shaking out her hand, she pushed at him. “Dammit Jon I’m serious here!”

“Okay, okay.” He swallowed the next laugh back manfully and she growled. “Tessa, baby,” he started.

“Don’t Tessa, baby me. They’re going to hate me and Dorothea is going to Karate chop me or something.”

He tipped his head back and laughed freely now. “When did you turn into a drama queen?” He flinched back when she went for another punch. “All right, stop.” The laugh was muffled this time. “This is what you wanted, right?”

Deflated, she leaned into him. Yes, she did want to learn about this half of him, but God, they’d been through so much in the last few months. She didn’t know if she was ready. Would they just look at her as the woman that broke her dad’s heart? Did they even have an inkling of how she and Jon were before the baby and AB—after baby?

“How much did you tell them—you know, about us?”

He stopped her, pulling her to face him. “I told them the truth.”

She pressed her lips together, scraping her teeth along her bottom lip as he leaned down. “What kind of truth?” she asked quietly. They’d broken apart so completely that she had no idea what had been said between Jon and the children.

“I told them we lost a baby—we made mistakes, but I love you. Period.”

Winding her arms around his chest, she stood pressed her nose into his chest. The ways that she hurt this man were just unfathomable. He’d come to the kids and then she’d ripped them apart by hiding, because of fear. “I’m sorry.”

His arms clasped around her hips as he pressed his lips into her neck. “We can’t turn back time, Tessa. We can’t keep going back over it and think we can change things. We can only move forward now.” He stepped back, linking their hands. “You make me happy and the kids know that. They’re happy that I found someone. The only problem we have is that we took so long to talk to them.” He looked down at her, his eyes so fierce and blue. “And that’s on me.”

The door opened and Dorothea stood on the portico. Her arms folded across her chest, dark rimmed glasses perched on her slim nose. She tried to slip from Jon’s fingers, but he held on tighter and walked with her by his side. “Hey, Dorothea.”

“Jon,” she said evenly. Dorothea looked over at her, but she couldn’t read her behind the lenses. “Tessa.”

Lifting her chin, she walked up the steps. “Thank you for letting me come and meet the kids at your house.”

“I’m still not one hundred percent on this,” she said, but backed into the house.

Jake careened around the corner. “Finally, Dad! You’ve been outside forever!” He stared up at the two of them. “Hi, book lady.”

“Ms. Donov—“ Jon started.

Tessa squatted down. “Tessa,” she said and held her hand out to the carbon copy of Jon. From the thick bangs that fell into his eyes, to the blue-blue eyes—it was Jon in miniature form. “Nice to see you again, Jake.”

He looked at her hand then back up at her face and finally put his little hand in hers, shaking it quickly and smiling wide. “What are you reading next month? I miss going to the bookstore.”

Tessa blinked at him, laughing suddenly. “We’re reading a favorite of mine. The Velveteen Rabbit.”

“I have that book,” he said solemnly. “It’s good.” And just like that, in his decisive and oh so Jon way, he turned away and looked at his dad. “Coming to my football game on Sunday?”

“Wouldn’t miss it for the world.”

Jake nodded. “Cool.” Turning back to Tessa he grabbed her hand. “C’mon—let me show you my Transformers.”

Dragging her into the living room, she looked over her shoulder at Jon who grinned and walked behind her.

Dorothea shut the door with a click and followed. “I’m going to go get Steph and Jesse.”

Nerves blossomed again. The living room was a fort of pillows and blankets, boxes and crates. Jake dropped to his knees, lifting a yellow sports car to her. “This is Bumblebee—he doesn’t talk, well he actually talks through the radio. He’s super awesome.”

Tessa knelt on the floor beside him, listening intently as he explained all the different names of the characters. Some, she recognized from her own childhood. Not to mention running a bookstore with the deluge of notices in the trade magazines.

“Where’s Romeo?” Jon asked from the doorway.

“Napping.” Dorothea said as she came back into the room. Stephanie peeked around her shoulder. An over long tank dress fell to her knees, her hands jammed in the wide pockets.

“Hey, Ms. Donovan.”

She looked up at the teen. “If I call you Stephanie, will you call me, Tessa?” she asked with what she hoped was a normal smile.

Steph sat down on the oversized couch, deftly maneuvering around a barricade made from toilet paper and paper towel rolls. “Steph, if that’s cool.”

Tessa rubbed her hands on her thighs. “Steph’s perfect,” she said with a relieved breath.

“Tessa, here hold this.” She looked back at Jake, his arms full of trucks and…was that a tank?

Jon broke away from the quiet conversation he was having with Dot and scooped up most of the pile. “Hey pal, how about you give her a break?”

Steph slid onto the floor, Indian style, thanks to lace cuffed tights under her dress. Tessa smiled at the pink and black Converse sneakers. Did she know that her dad had worn almost the same ones, once upon a time? Long, nimble fingers twisted and flipped until the yellow car was a robot. “C’mon Dad. You just don’t know what’s cool.”

Tessa met her conspiratorial eyes and plucked out the big red and blue chromed truck. “Don’t you know, there’s very little else as cool as Optimus Prime?” She pushed a button and the eerily familiar cartoon voice boomed from the depths of the truck’s grill.

Jake beamed at her for remembering the name. She flipped open the chest cavity until a head showed up, flipping it up. “I used to play with Transformers when I was a kid.”

He was looking down at the pile in front of him. “You’re too old.”

“Jake!”

Tessa leaned back against the couch and laughed. “Your Dad’s too old, but not me.”

“Hey now! We don’t talk age.”

She bumped Jake’s shoulder with hers. “He tries to be cool, but you know…”

“He’s a dad, they aren’t cool.” Jake finished for her.

Jon hunkered down, ankles tucked just like the rest of them. “What, you don’t think I can have fun?”

Steph laughed. “Do you even know what that word is?”

Tessa gave him a shot in the side. “Obviously your daughter knows you very well.”

Jon plucked the truck out of her hands and quickly unearthed the body with a few deft clicks. Jake reached over to re-twist the arm correctly. “Hey! I was getting there.”

Jake’s peel of laughter filled the room followed by Steph’s huskier tones.

Jesse came down the stairs with an old school, more metal than plastic Transformer. “Sorry, had to find the real Optimus Prime,” he said and set the smaller, but more intricate toy in the middle of the floor. He pulled his hat off and pushed back a heavy thatch of hair, replacing the snug Giant’s hat that fit his head perfectly. “Hey, Miss Donovan.”

Jake snatched up the toy. Jesse plucked it out just as quickly. “Hands off, brat. That’s not a kid’s toy.”

Jake’s head turned toward Jon. “Can I have a turn?”

Jon looked down at the toy, then back up at Jake. “Sorry, my man, that’s a collector’s thing.”

“Who collects toys? You play with toys,” Jake muttered.

Tessa laughed. That tune would probably change sometime later in his life. Without thinking, she ruffled Jake’s hair. “It’s like baseball cards. I’ll never understand it—but that’s the way it goes.”

He sat closer to Tessa and gave her a near dissertation about the difference between the Decepticons and the Autobots. Jesse threw in a few suggestions about how they could have improved the movie and it started an all out verbal barrage of boy attack. Jon got into the heat of battle and Tessa slid away.

Steph stood up with her. “Wanna go out back? It’s pretty on the patio.”

Jon looked up at her, but she waved him away. “Sure.” She looked down at the trio of boys in varying stages of Jon identity and let them have at it. Jon looked over his shoulder one more time but she just smiled at him, mouthing, “we’ll be fine.”

She followed Steph outside, sitting next to her in a lounger. She put a wide pair of shades on and leaned back. “I love my brothers, but they get loud.” She looked over the tops of the designer shades. “You’re lucky Romeo’s still sleeping.” She sat back, pushing them up to cover half her face.

So, Jon’s daughter. “Romeo seems like he’s a lot fun.”

Steph smirked. “It’s okay, Tessa—we already think you’re pretty cool. You don’t have to sugar coat the fact that my youngest brother is a freakazoid.”

Digesting the cool factor, she didn’t know quite what to say.

“Hey, you own a bookstore. I’ll be hitting you up for help ordering fashion books at every turn.” The smirk turned into a smile as they both laughed.

“Wait until you see the new Harry Winston book that just came into the store.”

Steph rolled to look at her. “Is it the black and white one?”

“That’s the one.”

“Dang, I’ve been waiting for that to come out all summer. Dad won’t let me see it because there’s naked parts.”

Tessa unbuttoned her camp shirt and untucked it against the summer heat. She had a white tank under it. Shrugging it off, she flipped it around the back of the lounger. “Dad’s are like that. At least that’s what people tell me.” She settled back and pulled her own shades out of her hair.

Steph looked over at her. “God, look how tan you are!” She flipped her arms out. “I’m a sheet. It’s all Dad’s fault that I’m pasty.”

“He’s tan.”

“Yeah, because he went to the beach to go get you.”

Tessa pressed her lips together. “Yes, he did.”

Steph sat up, swinging her legs around until her feet were on the patio. “It’s cool, Tessa. I’m glad he did. He was miserable without you. Even Uncle Richie wanted to murder him and he’s got the patience of a Saint.”

Taking her cues from Jon’s daughter she sat up and mirrored Steph’s stance. “I didn’t intend to hurt him.”

“You did,” she said quietly. “You hurt him a lot. I was really mad when he told us he was going away for awhile.”

Tessa swallowed hard. She hadn’t meant to keep him at the beach, keep him away from his family. “I would never take him away from you guys.”

“No—he went away when you guys broke up. He was so sad.” Steph pulled off her shades. “I don’t want to see him like that again. I’m not some stupid kid that doesn’t get adult stuff. I know he and Mom don’t work. It was a relief when they did get divorced actually.”

Tessa blinked back a prick of tears. “Oh, Steph, I don’t ever want to hurt him like that again. I—“ she broke off, not sure what to say to this girl that wasn’t quite a woman. Teen years were a mess of confusion. She remembered her own childhood and couldn’t pretend to know how to know how she felt. Steph had a great family, while her dad had a crazy job, she had two parents that loved her more than anything.

She reached out and touched Steph’s arm. “I had a hard time with the whole baby thing.”

Before she could go on, Steph looked up at her. “Did you want kids?”

She back pedaled. Not sure how to go with this turn of events. You didn’t just blurt out to a fourteen year old that you didn’t want a baby. “Your dad and I never thought about having more kids. We’re both older and he’s already got you guys. He loves you and the boys.”

“That’s not an answer.”

Tessa looked up at the new voice, her throat closing up as Dorothea stood above her daughter. She drew her hand back and gripped her forearms.

“Steph, can you let us talk for a minute?”

“Mom, I’m not a baby.”

Dorothea looked at her and Steph gave a long suffering sigh and stalked back into the house. She took her daughter’s place across from her. “I’d like to know.”