Chapter 166

Tessa forcibly stopped digging nail marks into her forearms. God, this was exactly what she’d been afraid would happen. Her alone—with Dot. Shit. “Dorothea, I’m not looking to get between anyone here.”

She pushed her glasses up on her nose. “Answer the question.” Her voice was frosty and the definition of unfriendly.

She leaned forward, still unwilling to get into it with her. Dammit, it wasn’t her business. “I know you don’t like me. I’m okay with that as long as the kids and I can have some sort of relationship for Jon’s sake. I don’t want to be the step mommy, I don’t want to be Aunt Tessa,” she made air quotes. “I just want to be a part of Jon’s life and that includes these kids.” She paused, unsure if she should say it out loud while everything was still so up in the air. Hell with it. “I like the kids.” Her voice went soft and fierce.

Dot stood up and walked away from her.

“Crap,” she muttered and followed. The quick snick of a lighter and a puff of smoke in the air, pulled her back. Okay, don’t freak out. Breathe. If she was anything at all like Jon, the smoking was a stressor. “Let’s start over, huh?”

Dorothea just looked at her, saying nothing at all.

“I know this is hard on you and believe me, in your place I would be worst than a bi—“ she cut herself off. Yeah, that’s good, let’s just piss off the Karate champion.

“Bitch?” Dorothea said calmly. “You have no idea what I feel or who I am.”

“Replaced, left behind, angry, put out?” She crossed her arms. “Close?”

“The day I’m replaced by another woman—“ Dorothea bit down hard until her molars clicked. “You don’t threaten me, Tessa. I know just what my role is in Jon’s life. Not you, or any woman, will change that. Just because we didn’t work when it came to marriage, doesn’t mean we’re not connected.”

Connected. Connections. They were everywhere. No matter what happened and how far she and Jon came in their relationship it was that word and that one thing that always sliced at her. “You’ve always been his touchstone. I get that. I respect that. I just want a piece of him.”

“You’ve got all of him, you fool.” Her tone was bitter and grudging. “Who are you to come into my house and ask for a piece of him when you already have everything?”

“I—“ at a loss, she took a step back. “I’m sorry, Dorothea.”

“I see how he looks at you. How he wants you. That used to be me. He used to look forward to coming home and loving me—wanting me. Don’t take it for granted. Don’t you ever take that for granted.” Her voice went hard as the flagstone they stood on. “That man loves with everything. There is no half measure when it comes to him.”

Her arms fell to her sides. Utterly shocked by the one-eighty in the conversation she took a step forward this time. “I wouldn’t—I won’t.”

“I did,” Dorothea whispered. “I stopped trying to understand him, stopped wanting to be a part of his public life. This life was supposed to be enough for him.” She waved her arm around the grand house. Even smaller than the Navasink mansion, it was still large and open. It was the perfect house in suburbia—the one that made the front cover of the realtor magazines to show the American dream of home and hearth. “These kids and me, we’re supposed to be enough. I needed it to be enough for him.” She sucked in a lungful of smoke and blew it through her nose. “It never was.”

“His family means everything to him,” she challenged.

Dorothea waved her cigarette at her, the ashes flicking down on the perfect flagstone. “His children make him happy and keep him centered. I used to do that too, when I had the strength. He’s exhausting. He doesn’t know how to stop and relax, he doesn’t know how to enjoy the life that he’s killed himself to make. He has more than enough money and status, but it’s never enough for him.”

She shook her head. The money didn’t mean anything to him. Sure, he loved his creature comforts, but the money and fame didn’t make this man. Realization hit her—blindsided her really. “You couldn’t stand sharing him anymore.”

Dark eyes blazed behind her glasses. “He hit every goal he ever wanted, but there was always one more. Always something that he had to have…just out of his reach.” She thumped her hand on her chest. “We weren’t enough.”

Like a broken record, she kept mentioning that. Why did family have to be the only thing? It was the most important thing, but it wasn’t the only. Jon always needed more. He honestly didn’t have a purpose if he didn’t have a goal. Whether it was a new album or a new venture—he needed to have something to work at.

He’d never be able to be satisfied with less when he could have more. Family was his constant, work was his passion. He couldn’t live without the other.

She didn’t want him to. She understood that part of him. That as much as she wanted Jon, he couldn’t—she wouldn’t let him—be her entire world. She needed him, there was no doubt about that, but she also needed to make her own mark. Dorothea’s mark was her kids. As independent as she was—had to be—to be a part of Jon’s life, she’d lost the urge to do anything else but run her family.

That was how they’d fallen apart.

It didn’t make her any less of a woman because that was what she wanted. It was just something that she couldn’t quite share with Jon. The kids couldn’t be enough if they didn’t have a common ground. Swallowing, she pressed her lips together. How could you tell a woman like Dorothea that you understood him more than she did?

Maybe it was that she wanted to understand him. Maybe it was that she’d listened and Dorothea had stopped. “I love him.” Dorothea stiffened as she said it, but she wouldn’t take it back. Her chin lifted and her shoulders straightened. In this one thing she had no doubts. “Jon’s ambition is a part of who he is. It’s not all he is, but it is a major part of him. Knowing that he always needs something to challenge him, that no, there is never enough when it comes to the reality that is Jon. Well, that’s where you lost him. It’s a basic trait, as basic as DNA to him.”

“We should have been enough. I should have been enough.”

And there was where the bitterness stemmed and grew. She could almost feel sorry for her. Almost want to help her see just what it was that she was missing. Almost.

But the other part of her just wouldn’t let go. He was hers.

Period.

She wouldn’t let him go for any reason. Not after all they’d been through in such a short time. “When you met him all those years ago, what was the one thing that defined him?”

Dorothea stopped, pulled off her glasses and stared at her. “Something that defines him at seventeen doesn’t have to define him at forty-five.”

She could see the pain in Dorothea’s eyes. Did she really know so little about him? How did you know someone for that long and not know that he needed the challenge as much as he needed his family? “Doesn’t it?”

“It shouldn’t. I changed, why wouldn’t he?”

Tessa didn’t even know how to respond to that. She didn’t know the boy he’d been at seventeen. She only knew him now. She didn’t know how they’d been back then. How they’d grown from kids to adults together. Being a fan and guessing what he was like then was one thing, but the reality of him was only in the here and now for her—and in their future. “I guess that’s a question you need to ask him.”

“No. It’s not for me to question that kind of thing anymore. We made our decisions and our mistakes. It’s your turn. I haven’t made him happy in too many years to count. We haven’t made each other happy.” She slipped her glasses back on. “I deserve more.”

On that she could agree. If Dorothea really believed that Jon’s drive was the wedge between them, then she absolutely deserved more. That it was the reason behind her leaving him? She just couldn’t understand that. If you loved Jon, how could you not love that part of him?

The patio French doors opened, Jon’s face a wide smile of pure pleasure. Obviously hanging out with the kids had been exactly what he needed. She tried to smile back. It really was so easy to smile at him when it was that perfect, crinkly grin, but just then…it just wouldn’t come.

Taking a hint, he closed the doors behind him. “What’s going on, ladies?”

“Nothing.” Tessa crossed to him. “We were just having a little discussion.”

He frowned down at her, rubbing her back absently he looked over at Dot. “What kind of discussion?”

“Don’t worry, Jon. The new girlfriend can hold her own.”

“I know she can. Is there a reason why she needs to?”

Tessa shifted, her hand falling to the buttons at his chest. Dot looked away from them. Immediately, she stepped back. There was no need to flaunt her relationship with Jon. It was rude and unnecessary now that she knew just what had happened with them. “Don’t hound her. We just had a nice talk woman to woman, that’s all.” She found her smile this time.

The quick kick of his jaw lifting and his spine stiffening had her linking their fingers. “What kind of talk?” he asked again.

Dorothea lit another cigarette. “Next visit with the kids should be at your house, I think. We’re done here.”

He stepped forward. “I don’t have any problem taking the kids to the Navasink house, but are we going to have a problem?”

“No, no problem. I just don’t need the new girlfriend pushed in my face.”

He looked over his shoulder at Tessa. She shook her head. Instead of taking her hint, he turned back to Dot. She didn’t want to make either of them uncomfortable, but she didn’t want to be the reason behind a confrontation either.

Used to the power play between them, she simply melted back and snagged her shirt off the chaise. “Tess,” he said quietly as she went for the door. Dropping her hand from the handle she pressed her hand into the window pane. “Don’t go.” His voice was soft, but the underlying steel was enough to draw her back to him.

Standing just behind him, she hesitated to push a united front in the woman’s face. God, she didn’t want a showdown or a shouting match. There was enough pain between the three of them that it was beyond unnecessary. She knew she had her man. And now, after talking to Dorothea, she knew just how strong she and Jon were together.

“Dot,” he began, reaching back for her hand. “I don’t want to hurt you, it was never my intention to do so, but you need to know...Tessa’s not going anywhere.”

“Couldn’t prove it by me.”

His fingers tightened around hers and she squeezed back, stepping forward. She couldn’t blame Dorothea for not believing they were a unit. Not with her history, not with how she and Jon had played things with the family. She opened her mouth to defend herself, to defend them and the future they wanted.

She was ready to fight for her man. The voice she heard was his, before she could even get the words out, his were fierce and clear.

“She’s not going anywhere. I’m marrying her.”

Tessa’s eyes shot up to his, her mouth dropped open. “I haven’t said yes yet, dammit.”

Dorothea’s eyebrows shot up into her overgrown bangs.

He didn’t bother to look down at her, the jerk. “She will,” he said in answer.

She tried to unwrap their fingers. “Don’t talk for me.” Cripes, not here. Not in front of her. What was he thinking? Ignoring her, he held on tighter. “Blasted, arrogant man,” she mumbled.

She could see the line of tension ripple across his shoulders, but he kept his eyes on Dorothea. “I love her. She’s it for me.”

Her vision went blurry and she blinked back the sting. Dammit. How was she supposed to reply to that?