Chapter 167

Jon watched Dorothea’s eyes flicker from distress to the calm, flat brown he was used to. She was a tight one with emotions in the last half dozen years. Was it his fault that she was so withdrawn? Had he been so callous to not notice she’d been sliding away from him for what felt like forever?

He didn’t want to hurt the woman that had been a major part of the first half of his life. He hated that it had come to this. To know that he’d unintentionally caused her even more pain by trying to protect her…well, he’d have to live with that. The guilt of moving on…he’d have to live with that too.

“What? Now you’ll go off and start a new family?” With shoulders tensed and her hair falling forward, he almost missed the tremor to her lips.

“That’s not what this is about. I’m adding to my family with—“

“You will not replace our kids with some woman that you’ve known for half a second!”

Startled by the venom in her voice he was at a loss for a moment. Surprise piggy backed it when Tessa wrapped her other hand around his and spoke.

“There won’t be any adding to the family, Dorothea. Children aren’t in my future, both biologically and by choice.”

He finally looked away from his ex-wife, down to the future by his side. Her eyes were tight with anger, but there was compassion there. Tessa still wasn’t comfortable with the idea of marriage, even if forever wasn’t a problem. Tucking a lock of burnished copper behind her ears, he shushed her. The green of her eyes was smoky and turbulent like the ocean that had brought them back together. “Baby, it’s okay.”

She brushed her fingers over his wrist, dragging his hand back down to her side. “It’s okay. I don’t mind if she knows.” Lacing their fingers again, she faced his ex-wife. “With the accident at the store, I lost more than just a baby. I’m—“ she looked up at him with a small smile. “We’re looking for a future together, but it’s not going to include children of our own.”

Lifting a hand to her shoulder, he brushed his thumb over the patch of freckles. Part of him would always wonder just what kind of little person they could have made together. Would they have had red hair like her? Would he have had to deal with another little girl to love and be terrified by? Or a boy that would have wanted to walk in his footsteps?

But the selfish part, the older part of him, was excited by the idea of keeping her all to himself. “I’ve had my kids.” He looked back at Dot. “I love every one of them. I’ll always love you for giving them to me.”

Dorothea’s arms crossed over her chest. Her hair still fell forward, shielding half of her face even as she finally met his gaze. “Just don’t forget your kids,” she said with a broken voice.

Looking down at Tessa, he smiled at her when she simply nodded at him, pushing him forward. He went to Dorothea, cupped his hands around her upper arms, dragging her in until she propped her chin on his shoulder as she used to do all those years before. She didn’t relax against him and another part of him knew that it would take a long time for her to be comfortable around him. Too much had happened between them and to them.

“The day I forget my children is the day they put me in a grave, Dots. You know that.” He stepped back, pushing the familiar dark hair away. Even now, with the years on her face and the unhappiness she wore around her eyes, he could see a shadow of the girl he’d married. They’d been good together once upon a time. He’d held onto her like a lifeline through the lowest parts of his life and celebrated through the best. But even in the best of times, she supported him quietly. It was what he needed at the time.

What he had with Tessa was different. Quiet satisfaction would never be words he’d associate with her. He backed away from her. “I know things are still up in the air, but we’ll take it slow. I just wanted the kids to get to know her a little. I don’t want to confuse them, but I won’t lie anymore either.”

“I know.”

He gave her a rueful smile. “Besides, you know me and change.”

She nodded, but the red rimmed eyes couldn’t be hidden with her glasses this time. “You hate it.”

“She’s worth it. I hope you find what you need someday.”

She looked away from him, walking quickly back into the house. When the doors shut behind her, he turned back around to face Tessa. A hesitant first step was the only sign that she was uncomfortable. He traced a fingertip down a light colored lock of her hair, tucking it behind her ear. “That could have gone worse.”

Tessa rose on her toes, meeting his lips in a gentle kiss. Pears, spice and sunshine—the best parts of her filled him. He cradled her face in both of his hands, letting the kiss stay sweet and simple. She pulled away a little, her lips lingering on his. “Jon?”

“Hmm?” His eyes opened to see her soft green eyes go from sweet and loving to…”Ooof.” He rubbed his belly. “Dammit, what was that for?”

“I didn’t say yes yet!” Her hands fisted to her side. “You don’t go telling people we’re getting married when I haven’t even said yes yet,” she hissed.

He slipped his arm around her neck again, blocking her hands from another sucker punch. “You will.”

“You are the most annoying, arrogant—“

He cut her off with a quick and thorough kiss. When her eyes were shut and her body was loose against his, he smiled. “I always get what I want.” Her eyes flashed open and he took a step back. “Now, Tessa.”

“Don’t now Tessa me,” she growled. “We just got ourselves back on even ground and you announce to your ex-wife that we’re getting married and there is no ring on this damn finger.”

“Don’t worry, you’ll get a ring.”

Her jaw dropped open. “That’s not what I mean and you know it!”

It always amazed him how a woman could yell and yet not raise her voice. He reached out to touch her, but she slapped him back. “I’m marrying you,” he grabbed her left hand and held it still. “If it takes six months to get you to say yes, or two years. I’m just letting her know.”

The kid gloves were off. He wanted this, wanted her in his life without any reservations. Patience was on a long list of things that were definitely not his virtue. Waiting her out would take all of his energy, and damn if he didn’t prefer to use the energy on her and with her instead of holding his ass.

“Strong arming me into saying yes isn’t going to work. This isn’t just about you.”

Frustration and the overwhelming fear that she would slip away from him again, strangled him. “No, it’s about us.”

She stepped forward, pressing a hand to his belly. “Finally, he says us.”

“I’m always thinking about us.”

“Sure doesn’t sound like it when you’re talking at me like that.”

He tunneled his fingers through her hair, pulling her into him. “I’m sorry.” He pressed a kiss to her forehead then her lips. “You make me nuts.”

“Ditto,” she said and grabbed his head with both her hands, squishing in his cheeks. “If you talk at me, for me, or around me one more time today, you’re on the couch.”

“No arm scratches?” he slurred.

“Nope.”

Hell, he couldn’t sleep without that. “Okay,” he pulled her hands away, laughing when she kept up her own Superman laser beam stare. Dorothea had nothing on Tessa’s glare, no matter what she thought. “All right. No talking for you.” He kissed her palm. “When you do say yes, all bets are off. I’m telling everybody.”

“Quite the role reversal we’ve got here, babe.”

He shook his head. “I know, I’m ready to yell it from the rooftops and you need to be convinced.”

“You haven’t asked yet.”

He slung his arm around her neck again. “And ruin the surprise?”

“How do you know I’m going to say yes?”

Heading back to the French doors, he smiled smugly. “I just know.” The laughter slid away as Stephanie’s face filled one of the panes. He waved her out.

Much like her mother, she slipped out, closing the doors at her back. She was long and lean like Dorothea, sun kissed year round, and so beautiful it hit him low. His own eyes stared back at him as he lowered his arms from around the squirming Tessa and linked their fingers instead. “Hey, baby.”

“Is Mom okay?” She scuffed her pink sneaker into the flagstone, looking at him through her bangs.

He drew her back to the chaises and sat down. He patted the cushion beside him, when Tessa made a move to give them so privacy. Indecision flashed, but she sat down awkwardly. Steph sat across from him in her favorite lounger. “Mom and I had a talk. It was probably well overdue, but it wasn’t easy on her.”

Steph looked down at her hands, then back up, the wide blue eyes a little pink tinged with tears. “Why’d you have to make her cry?”

Tessa made a move to get up, but he stilled her with a hand on her knee. “As much as we know we don’t fit anymore, it’s still hard for her to see me with Tessa. From now on, I’m going to have you guys come visit me.”

Steph frowned. “But Mom was the one that wanted the divorce. She told us some other stupid story about how you guys don’t feel the same way about each other anymore and that it was both of your decisions to break up, but I heard her talking to Aunt Karen. I know it was her idea.”

God, the things he put his kids through. The things they’d put them through. “It might have been your mom that filed the papers, but it really was mutual.” God, his little girl was growing up way too fast, and this wasn’t slowing things down in the least. “It’s hard to explain until you’re—“

“Dad, if you say, older, I’m gonna scream.” She crossed her arms over her chest, like the exact replica of Dorothea that she was. “I’m not a baby. Me and Jesse have plenty of friends who have divorced parents. We get it.”

“Your dad isn’t…well, he isn’t the best at what we’ll call failure.”

Surprised that Tessa spoke, he looked over at her. She wasn’t focused on him though. She was talking to Stephanie, woman to woman.

“So, he keeps working at something until he’s got a bruise the size of Ohio on his forehead.” She smiled at Steph, when she nodded in commiseration. “Iinstead of facing up to the fact that it wasn’t working, he kept trying to fix it…or ignored it.”

Uncomfortable and more than a little embarrassed he sat back. “Tessa—“

She placed her hand over his and patted it. “It’s okay, Jon. It’s your best and worst trait.” She looked back at Stephanie, who still hadn’t said a word. “So, instead of failing he just let things go. It took your mom to shake things up. Your mom’s really strong, Steph.”

“Yeah she is.”

“I am too,” he groused.

Tessa leaned in and kissed his cheek. “Of course you are.”

He knew he was supposed to be happy with that, but he stood up and paced instead. He’d never discussed any of that with Tessa. Hell, he’d never really thought about it past the fact that Dot had done the hard work and filed the papers. Was it really so simple?

Tessa moved over into his spot. “You know I’m not here to replace anybody. I just love your dad and I want to get to know you guys. I hope that you’ll like me one day.”

“We already like you, Tessa.”

When she opened her mouth and nothing came out, he came back around and put his hand on Tessa shoulder. “I’m glad you guys do.”

Steph looked up at him. “I do get it better now, Dad.” She smiled, her blue eyes not so sad. “As usual, takes a woman to explain things.” She reached over to Tessa and their fingers clasped. “I’m glad my dad found someone like you.” She stood up. “Now we just have to get Mom dating.”

~~

Jon waved to the kids as they headed for the car. Jenny stood with Romeo and Jake, Jesse had already disappeared into videogame land and Steph was texting. Seemed like the world was starting to come around to normal…well, his version of normal.

He opened the door for Tessa. When he heard the door shut from the house, he leaned in, trapping her against the car. “That didn’t go too badly.”

“So you say,” she said, but kissed him anyway. Leaning against her, he wedged his thigh between hers and bumped his knee up until she squeezed him. “In front of your kids?” she said against his mouth.

“Kids are inside.”

“Home,” she said and laughed against his mouth. “Home is good.”

He pushed her inside the car, leaning over her, bracing a hand on the console as he hovered over her mouth. “Speaking of home,” he flicked his tongue over her lower lip. “Do you have to go back to the store?”

She shook her head. “What did you have in mind?”

The look in her eyes gave him pause, but he had a plan for the day. He could wait a few hours. “Road trip,” he said and nipped her lower lip then closed the door.

He got in and laughed. “Stop frowning. It’s a good thing.”

She lowered in the seat and snapped her seat belt. “I wasn’t really thinking about doing the whole road trip thing. Unless you count the ten minutes it took to get to the house.” She dropped her hand on his thigh and squeezed, slowly working up to his crotch until she cupped him. As always, he hardened instantly, her grin making his jeans tighten all the more. “Tessa,” he warned.

She didn’t listen, just molded her fingers over his shaft until she walked her way up to the button of his jeans. He groaned when she leaned in, her mouth at his neck, the tip of her tongue flicked where his jaw met his ear.

His hips didn’t listen, they lifted to her touch, jamming tighter into her hold. He drilled his fingers into her hair, dragging her mouth in for a long kiss. He didn’t stop until her flavor was his own, until her mouth was swollen with the passion that rose between them every time. It didn’t matter if he kissed her for the next forty years—it would always be like this.

When she was plastered to his chest, practically in his lap, he finally stopped. “Road trip.”

She grunted and climbed back into her seat, rebuckling her seatbelt. Huh, he didn’t remember that coming off. He grinned and revved the engine. “You’ll like it.”

She snapped on the radio and slumped back in her seat. “I’d like getting you naked better.”

He groaned and headed for the highway.